


Every Heartbeat (I Fall Deeper)

by crose84



Category: The Rookie (TV 2018)
Genre: Baby Fic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feelings, Future Fic, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, gentle angst, hopefully in character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29781762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crose84/pseuds/crose84
Summary: Lucy finds an orphaned baby on a call. Everyone, especially Tim, warns her not to get attached. Who actually gets attached and how does one infant change their lives?ORTim kangaroo cuddles a baby.
Relationships: Tim Bradford & Lucy Chen, Tim Bradford/Lucy Chen
Comments: 18
Kudos: 171





	Every Heartbeat (I Fall Deeper)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends! You all were so kind in your response to my first stories, I'm back with more. I spent the last week and a half writing this behemoth of a fic. I'm not a cop, social worker, or nurse, but I tried to keep it as realistic as possible - and to keep Tim and Lucy in character. Feedback and kudos are deeply appreciated. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Also, the title is inspired by the song Every Heartbeat by Grace Potter. I listened to it a lot while writing.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=834KwbYQ154

“You’re quiet today, Luce.” Jackson West observed as he flipped on the turn signal. He was navigating them to what would hopefully be a quick call before their lunch break. 

“It’s just been a busy morning.” She responded. It felt like they had been rushing from call to call, not that she was complaining, it kept the day moving. 

“We’re still about five minutes out according to the navigation.” It was a welfare check, so if all went well they could wrap it up pretty quickly. 

She nodded. “Hey, should we order in Thai or Italian for dinner tonight? Can we do a rom-com movie marathon?” Her own love life was currently non-existent, and she was in the mood to camp out in front of the TV and swoon over her favorite fictional romances. 

“I’m going to be at Sterling’s tonight. Save it for this weekend?” They were overdue for some quality best friend time.

“Sure.” She agreed easily. “Up ahead on the right.” She pointed out the location they were responding to. 

They approached the porch, each taking in their surroundings carefully. Jackson knocked on the front door and announced their presence, while Lucy looked into the window just off the right side of the door. “Shit.” She announced. “Body on the floor.” She could only see the lower half of the body.

They quickly drew their weapons, and Jackson shouldered the door open. “Do hear that?” He asked her quietly.

She just nodded. She knelt by the woman on the floor and checked for a pulse. There wasn’t one, or any obvious sign of foul play. The sound of a baby crying came from the back of the house. “Let’s clear the house and find him or her.” She whispered. 

They met back in the living room a few minutes later after determining that the house was clear. Jackson was gingerly holding the baby, who was still crying uncontrollably. “I don’t know what she needs.” Jackson looked down at the baby trying to quiet her cries with the sheer force of his will. 

Lucy radioed in an update and asked for a detective, crime scene, the coroner, an ambulance, and social services to join them on the scene. “What?” She asked as Jackson held out the baby to her with a desperate look on his face. “You think just because I’m a woman I have some sort of natural maternal instinct?”

“Please, Lucy. This baby hates me.” He was pretty sure she’d started crying louder when he picked her up instead of quieting down.”

She sighed and reached for the baby. “She’s probably hungry, and she needs a new diaper. Did you see any near where you found her?”

“Yeah, I think. I’ll go check.” He practically ran out of the room, returning a minute later diaper in hand. “It’s weird, besides the bassinet and a couple of diapers on the floor, there’s no sign that a baby lives here.”

“Definitely strange.” Lucy agreed. When she realized Jackson hadn’t handed her any wipes, she moved into the kitchen looking for a paper towel that she could wet.

“I’m going to finish setting up the perimeter and wait for everyone to show up.” He quickly disappeared out the front door.

“Chicken.” She called after him. She laid the baby carefully on the counter and quickly changed her diaper, wincing at the state of her bottom, covered in a painful diaper rash. “No wonder you’re so miserable.” Lucy settled her back securely in her arms and studied her little face. The crying was slowing, but her face was still red and splotchy. She was young, Lucy thought, probably just a month old. A search of the kitchen showed no bottle or formula.

Tim entered the house and froze when he spotted Lucy, a baby nestled in her arms. She was staring down at the infant, the look on her face was filled with warmth and gentleness. She was swaying the baby back and forth in an attempt to soothe and humming a lullaby he couldn’t quite make out under her breath. “You good in here? Jackson said you might be in over your head.”

She rolled her eyes. “Got it under control.” She looked up from the baby to find him watching her. “Are the ambulance and social services here yet? She needs to be checked out.”

“Any minute.” He answered when he finally found his voice. He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her and the baby.

Lucy narrowed her eyes at the strange expression on his face. “Are you about to give me a Tim Test? Or criticize me for holding the baby? She needed comforting. She’s got a terrible diaper rash, she’s hungry and there’s nothing in this house for her.” Who knew what else could wrong with her.

Tim took a couple of steps closer to Lucy and looked down at the baby in her arms. The full-on sobs had stopped, but the baby was still whimpering, her eyes glassy. “She’s going through withdrawal,” Tim said quietly.

“What?” Surprise made Lucy’s voice sharper than she intended. The baby’s cries immediately intensified. 

“The redness, how she can’t be completely soothed, pretty sure she’s got a tremor.” It was slight, and maybe just a response to all her other discomfort and neglect, but his gut said otherwise. 

Lucy tried to calm her back to a whimper at the very least, but the sirens from the approaching ambulance made that impossible. “Her whole life has been nothing but pain and trauma,” Lucy said quietly. 

“She’s just a baby, she won’t remember it.” Things could still turn around for her. She could end up having a happy, successful life when all was said and done.

Lucy’s attention was still fixed on the baby, “do you know much development happens in the first weeks and months of a baby’s life? These experiences can most definitely shape her entire life even if she doesn’t remember them.”

“Chen,” His voice was full of warning, “do not get attached to this baby,” he looked over to the door as a medic entered. “Get her set up at Shaw Memorial, get back on the street, and move on.”

“Yes, Sir.” Deep down she knew he was right, no matter how cold it sounded, or wrong it felt.

~~~

Hours later the shift had mercifully ended, and Lucy found herself entering the bar looking for her friends. She needed connection before going home to decompress and fall into bed. “Hey.” She lowered herself into the only empty chair at the table, which just happened to be next to her former TO. The weight of the day pressed down on her almost immediately, and she wondered belatedly if it had been a mistake to have Jackson drop her here on his way to Sterling’s. She should have just gone home.

“Buy you a drink?” John Nolan asked, indicating the bar behind him. He was already standing and pulling out his wallet. “I heard you and Jackson had a rough one.” His voice was sympathetic. 

“Thank you.” She gave him a grateful smile. “Surprise me.” She told him before he could ask her what she wanted.

“How’s the baby?” Wesley asked from across the table. He had his arm around Angela, who was resting her head on his shoulder. They were determined to enjoy as many nights as possible away from home before their baby arrived in a couple of short months. 

Lucy nodded gratefully at John as he placed a beer in front of her. “Going through withdrawal. Underweight. Dehydrated. They admitted her to the NICU. “

“How awful,” John commented, shaking his head. “Any family?”

Lucy turned her attention to Angela for an answer. Angela just shrugged. “So far, no. We assume the woman that Chen and Jackson found was her mother, but there’s no record of her giving birth. Also, no babies reported missing that match her description or the time frame.”

“Could have been a home birth?” Tim suggested, “If the mom was high or withdrawing herself she could have panicked or just wanted to avoid the unwanted attention a hospital birth would bring.” 

“What about the woman? Does she have any family?” John asked Angela.

She shook her head. “Not that we can find.”

John frowned and took a drink of his beer, “so she’s an orphaned Jane Doe, who’s in the hospital alone indefinitely. That’s heartbreaking.”

“Nolan.” Angela warned him, her voice sharp, “do not get involved. You will never survive if every gut-wrenching story gets under your skin. What’s happening to this baby is tragic, but the only role LAPD can play here is to find out who she is and reunite her with any appropriate family members. If there are any.”

“Hear that, Chen.” Tim nudged her with his elbow.

“You’ve made yourself very clear, Tim.” She barely fought the urge to roll her eyes. She took another drink from her beer, before setting it down on the table and pushing her chair back. “I’m going to call an Uber. It’s been a day and I’m exhausted.”

“I’ll drive you.” Tim stood up too. He didn’t love the idea of her taking an Uber home. Especially if she didn’t have to.

“Thanks,” she smiled at him, “Jackson dropped me off here on his way to a date, and I don’t have a car anymore, so…” She trailed off.

“No problem, Boot.” He shrugged into his jacket as she said her goodbyes.

~~~

He had truly intended to head for his own home after making sure that Lucy made it safely into her apartment. He’d let the dog out, put on Sportscenter and then crash for the night. Instead, after letting Cujo do his nightly business and run around the backyard for a few minutes, he found himself climbing back into his truck. Without ever having made a conscious decision, he found himself parking in the visitor’s lot of Shaw Memorial and heading to the entrance. The lobby was fairly deserted at this time of night and he was able to take the elevator to the NICU with no wait. 

A nurse greeted him at the entrance to the unit, “Can I help you?”

He asked to see the baby after explaining to her who he was. He waited for her to decide whether or not to push the rules for him, and realized he was a little bit inexplicably anxious. 

“Follow me.” She said after a beat. She pulled a chair over to the baby’s cube for him to sit down in, and found a rolling stool for herself. 

“Thanks.” He sat down and looked over at the sleeping newborn. She was wearing the tiniest diaper he’d ever seen, not that he’d seen many diapers, and nothing else. “She’s not crying anymore.” She hadn’t been completely silent the entire time she’d been at the scene. 

“She’s on medication to help her through the worst of it and make her comfortable. I don’t know how familiar you are with withdrawal, but it’s not pleasant.”

“Too familiar.” He answered her quietly. “She’ll be okay?”

“It’s still too early to tell what if any long-term impacts there might be. Hopefully, her symptoms completely resolve by the time she’s six months. That’s the general timeframe. Luckily, she was found when she was though.” She ran a hand over the baby’s head lightly. 

He just nodded. “How long will she be here?”

“A week or two, maybe. Gives us time to help her get on a good path to recovery and DCFS time to find her a placement equipped to handle her ongoing care and needs. She’ll require more monitoring and attention than a typical baby, at least in the beginning.”

“She’ll find someone. Babies never stay in the system long.” If no biological family could be found, she’d become available for adoption, and people wanted babies.

“Usually.” She agreed with him, “would you like to hold her?”

“Oh, no.” He shook his head quickly. “No. She’s sleeping, and I’m not...I didn’t come here for…”

“She’ll stay asleep.” The nurse promised him. “All babies, but especially ones in her condition need to be held. Need the physical contact. You won’t hurt her, if anything you’ll bring her some comfort.”

“You’re sure?” Tim looked between her and the baby, trying to read her face in the darkened room.

“Yes. We have volunteers who come in during the daytime specifically to give babies skin-to-skin contact. It’s called kangaroo care, you tuck the baby between your chest and your shirt. If you don’t want to do that, you can just hold her normally. It all helps.”

“Okay.” He nodded in agreement, and before he could change his mind she was carefully lifting the baby and helping him to rest her under his shirt and against his chest. She made sure the IV and other wires were in place and not tugging. 

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you want. My name is Sam, I’m here until 7 AM. Let me know if you need anything or when you’re ready to head out.” She backed away quietly and went to check on the other babies in her care.

He used his foot to scoot the stool closer and propped his feet up, careful not to disturb the baby sleeping against his chest. His hand looked huge where it rested on her back through the fabric of his henley. Her slight weight was warm and comforting against him. He decided it wouldn’t be the worst thing to sit here with her for a bit before driving home.

~~~

Lucy had given up on sleep sometime around 2:30 in the morning, and before she could talk herself out of it ordered an Uber to take her to Shaw Memorial. She just wanted to check on the baby and see how she was doing. Maybe hold her for a few minutes. She would never tell anyone about it. Not even Jackson, and especially not Tim. 

“She already has a visitor.” The nurse, Sam, told her when she tried to enter the NICU. 

“At this hour?” Lucy asked, surprised. Had a family member been contacted and come to see her?

“Another officer. Showed up a couple of hours ago.”

Nolan, Lucy thought, the big softie. “Can I see them just for a few minutes?”

Sam just sighed. “What rules?” But she was smiling. “Go ahead. Can’t miss them. Let me know if you need anything.”

She started in the direction that Sam had indicated, but stopped short, sleeping in the chair kangaroo cuddling the baby was most definitely not John Nolan. Lucy very quickly and very quietly dug her iPhone out of her bag and took a few pictures. She thought about leaving, but her curiosity wouldn’t let her. She cleared her throat just loudly enough to get his attention. “I thought we weren’t getting attached?”

His eyes flew open at the sound of her voice. Somehow he was able to remember where he was and not jostle the baby. “I’m not attached, Chen. I was just waiting to see if you’d show up. You failed, Boot.”

“Sure.” She gently knocked his feet off the stool they’d been propped up on so she could sit down. “We can go with that if you need to.”

“I’m not attached.” His voice was quiet, but still firm.

She just smiled softly at him. She thought about pressing him more, but there was no point. He was not someone who easily gave out information unless he wanted to. More than likely he’d just shut down, and she wasn’t ready to be done enjoying this moment. “How’s she doing?”

He angled his head down so he could look at her still sleeping on his chest. “Okay, she has a long road ahead of her.”

“Poor girl.” She murmured. 

“Do you want to hold her?” Tim asked finally. He figured it was the reason she’d found her way here in the middle of the night.

She did, but she shook her head no anyways. “She looks pretty comfortable where she is.” And this view? It might be Lucy’s new favorite view ever. 

~~~

Jackson plopped down onto the couch next to Lucy the next night, “Real Housewives catch up or Masked Singer?” He reached for the remote and powered on the TV. 

“You pick.” She wasn’t sure how much she’d be able to focus on either.

“Am I keeping you from something?” Curiosity and a hint of annoyance filled his voice. “You keep looking at your phone. You have a guy in your life I don’t know about or something?”

“What, no?” There hadn’t even been a hint of someone since she and Emmet had broken things off. 

“Are you obsessing over the baby from yesterday?” She had been fine on shift but distracted ever since they returned home.

“No, definitely not.” She shook her head in denial. She’d been wondering if Tim was going to visit the NICU again tonight to kangaroo cuddle the baby. She’d snuck more glances at the photo in her phone and replayed the memory of seeing them in that chair more times than she cared to admit. 

“Uh-huh.” Jackson stood from the couch. “I’m pouring wine and making popcorn. We need to get you totally immersed in some trashy reality TV.”

When his back was to her, and he was safely in the kitchen, she grabbed her phone again. “Skin-to-skin contact is super important in helping babies build a secure attachment.” She texted Tim. When he didn’t text back, she sent a follow-up, “the attachment style developed in infancy often carries through into adulthood.”

She put her phone face down on the coffee table when Jackson returned from the kitchen. “Ready for Housewives?” He asked, making himself comfortable next to her.

~~~

Tim read the text messages from Lucy, and rolled his eyes, before pocketing his phone as he got onto the elevator. “Sam.” He greeted the nurse from the previous night.

“I thought I might see you again.” She led him over to the baby. “I’m just going to warn you, she’s been fussier tonight. And apparently, she was not a huge fan of the volunteer who was assigned to snuggle her this afternoon.

He lowered himself into the chair, his back and neck already protesting, and Sam helped him situate the baby comfortably. “Has anyone come to see her?”

“Just you and your friend. That’s not surprising though, right, no one’s been able to make any progress on locating a family.” She fixed a wire that was causing the machine to beep. “She likes you,” Sam commented. She’d been expecting the baby to cry, based on the notes of how her day had gone. “Call if you need me.”

~~~

“It’s nice to be riding together again.” She’d mostly been riding with Jackson since officially becoming a P2, but every so often Grey would partner her and Tim together for a shift.

“It will be so much nicer if you agree to limit the number of words you say per hour to like…”

“No.” She interrupted him. “But nice try.” She climbed into the passenger seat of the shop and slammed the door. She watched him as he discreetly tried to roll out a kink in his neck while making his way around to the driver’s side. “You slept in the NICU chair again last night.” It was a statement of fact, not a question.

“We could just not talk at all.” He suggested. The warning in his voice would get most people to back off and leave him alone. He couldn’t remember the last time it had worked on the woman next to him. 

“I’m not giving you grief for this.” She promised him. “I’m not. You feel something for her.” It was sweet, not that she’d ever tell him that.

“I don’t.” He pulled the shop out onto the streets, hoping more than usual for a busy day.

“It’s not a bad thing, Tim.” She told him gently. “She doesn’t have anybody. She’s a month old, and she’s in the hospital going through withdrawal completely alone. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody, certainly not an infant.” And as much of a hardass as he could be, she knew he felt the same way. 

“I meant what I told you, Lucy. Getting attached to this baby is a bad idea.” He was reminding himself as much as her. 

“You’re not adopting her. You’re visiting her in the hospital until she moves to a foster home or some family is found.” She watched the scenery pass by the passenger window for a minute, taking note of the street signs in case he decided to throw an old-school Tim Test at her. 

Lucy leaned against the wall outside of the men's locker room after shift, scrolling through her social media while she waited for Tim to come out. “Can I come with you?” She asked, as soon as the door swung shut behind him. “I respect if it’s something you want to do by yourself, but I’d like to see her again too.”

“You’re early,” Sam told them a half-hour later when she spotted them entering the NICU. “I was just getting ready to feed her.” She held out the bottle and a burp cloth between them. “Giving these to either of you?”

Tim motioned for Lucy to sit in the chair, and took the smaller stool for himself. She covered one shoulder with the cloth to protect her shirt. Sam placed the baby in her arms. “Try to get her to eat as much of this as possible. Burp her when she’s done. She’ll probably spit up on you.” She told her apologetically. 

“Can I kangaroo cuddle her after?” Tim didn’t miss the hope and excitement in her eyes.

Sam chuckled. “Sure.”

Lucy smiled softly down at the baby, watching closely to make sure she was getting enough formula from the bottle. “You were hungry, huh?” She whispered. “Are you going to puke on me later?” She adjusted the bottle so the baby could get more formula. “She’s really beautiful.” She started humming the same lullaby from the first day.

Tim had been watching their interaction, a small smile on his face. Lucy looked as natural with a baby in her arms tonight as she had a few days ago when she’d been rocking and humming to the baby while in full uniform. As much as he didn’t want to dwell on the warm feeling the sight caused to bloom in his chest, he couldn’t deny it either. “Yes, yes she is.”

“Any word from Angela about possible leads on her identity or a family?” She placed the now empty bottle on the floor by her foot and moved the baby to her shoulder to burp her. 

“The woman you found on the floor had recently given birth, so she’s more than likely her mother, but she had no ID and her prints aren’t in the system. The coroner has ruled her death an overdose.”

“So she stays Baby Girl Doe.” Lucy kept patting her back. 

“For now.” A loud sound coming from the baby stopped whatever he was going to say next. “Was that her burp? That was impressive.”

Lucy wrinkled her nose. “I’m pretty sure she spit up in my hair.”

Tim leaned forward and looked over the baby’s head to Lucy’s shoulder, “nope. Hit the burp cloth.”

“Good aim, little one.” She told her thankfully, as she settled her back into her arms. Holding the baby carefully in one arm, she used her free hand to remove the cloth, without getting spit up on her clothes. She handed the dirty cloth to the nurse who appeared over her shoulder. Lucy waited for her to leave before turning her attention back to the baby, “Ready to cuddle?” She asked her grinning.

“Is it everything you thought it would be?” Tim asked her after she’d been sitting for a few minutes with the baby tucked under her shirt. 

She sighed contentedly and ran her hand over the top of the baby’s head, enjoying the feel of her downy hair. “I see why you do this every night.” There was something grounding and comforting about feeling the solid weight of the baby against her and the tickle of her warm breath on her skin. 

“It’s only been a few nights.” He wasn’t sure if he was correcting her or defending himself. “Is this something that you want someday?” He asked her after a few minutes of comfortable silence. 

Her eyes widened in surprise. He rarely initiated personal conversations, especially not ones he knew she could turn back around on him. “With the right guy.” Her biological clock wasn’t ticking loudly or obsessively, but when she thought of her future she hoped it included a family. “What about you? Did you and Isabel ever talk about it?”

He looked down at his hands, before meeting her gaze. “Sort of. Around it mostly. I guess, I thought we’d have a baby, eventually. At first, she wanted to focus on building her career, and then she found undercover work.” Which hadn’t been conducive to starting a family. “The last time we talked about it she said maybe when she left undercover, but, well you know the rest.”

She schooled her face to stay neutral, afraid that any hint of empathy would be construed as pity and cause him to stop talking. “But you wanted a baby.”

“What does it matter?” He’d lost Isabel and whatever future they might have had a long time ago. “Besides, it’s not like I really know what it takes to be a good dad, so maybe it was for the best.”

“Tim.” She knew she’d failed to keep her voice impassive by the pained look on his face.

“My dad was...not good.” He finally settled on. 

‘A dad who tuned me up on the regular.’ had been his exact words to her the night he talked to her about scars and surviving. “You know more about being a good dad than you’re giving yourself credit for.”

“Maybe.” Whether or not he agreed with her, he wasn’t sure, but this didn’t feel like a moment to argue with her. “A baby would be lucky to have you though.” Kindness, all warmth, and sunshine radiated off her, drawing people in and making them want to stay in her orbit. 

“Thanks for letting me come with you tonight.” She told him quietly She hadn’t felt this at peace in a long time.

~~~

“Nice of you to join us tonight, Timothy,” Angela commented as he lowered himself into an empty seat next to Lucy. It had not escaped her notice that he had skipped out on their most recent after-shift outings. He reached for the chips and salsa on the table, but Angela quickly pulled them out of his reach. “Do you have anything you want to share with the class?”

“No.” He snatched the plate of chips and salsa back from her. 

She propped her chin in her hand and studied him, “do you have a lady in your life, Tim?”

“Don’t you have better things to worry about, Angela?” He took a long drink from his beer.

“Not at the moment, no.” She grinned at him. She turned to Lucy, “you know anything about how he’s spending his nights?”

“Why would I know anything about that?” Lucy asked carefully hoping to avoid rousing any suspicions Angela might have.

“Fine.” Angela took a drink of her water. “I heard a rumor that a cop has been spending a lot of time with the baby. Anyone know anything about that?” She looked between Chen and Nolan. “I told you guys it’s a bad idea.”

John held his hands up in surrender. “I feel bad for her, but I haven’t been to see her.”

“Lucy.” Jackson’s voice came sharply from her left side. “You better not be getting any ideas about bringing a baby home to our apartment.”

She turned to look at him incredulously. “Why would you jump to that? Have I mentioned the baby?”

“Besides didn’t having the dog teach us a lesson?” He continued as if she hadn’t responded.

“That was harsh, Boot,” Angela told him, shooting him a dirty look.

“Apologize, now.” Tim pinned Jackson with a hard glare over Lucy’s head.

“Tim, it’s fine,” Lucy said quietly. She turned to look at him and put a hand on his arm, hoping to diffuse his sudden anger.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Jackson said immediately. As he replayed the words in his head, he realized how bad they sounded. “I just meant neither of us is equipped to take on a baby right now.”

“I’m not planning to take in the baby,” Lucy assured the table. Not seriously anyway. 

“Well, then who’s been visiting her?” Angela asked looking around the table. “I know it’s not, Bradford. He knows better and he wouldn’t know what to do with a baby.”

“And yet you’ve asked me to be the Godfather to baby Evers.” He shot her an annoyed look. “What does that say about your judgment?”

“Who’s being harsh now?” Jackson returned the look Angela had given him earlier. Although, not that he’d dare say it out loud, he wasn’t sure Tim would know what to do with a baby either. The idea of the other man with a baby was hard to picture. 

“Have you been visiting the baby, Timothy?” Angela returned her attention to him, eyes now narrowing in suspicion.

“I’ve been visiting the baby.” Lucy jumped in, sparing him further interrogation by his best friend. “I just didn’t want any grief about it. I’ve heard all of your warnings. I’m not getting attached, and I don’t need any lectures.” She was maybe getting a little attached, she admitted to herself, but she didn’t need any lectures about it.

“Stop it, now, Chen,” Lopez warned her. 

~~~

“She’s probably getting discharged the day after tomorrow or the following day,” Sam told him the next night as she handed him the baby. 

Tim froze at her words. He’d known they were coming sooner or later. Knew she wouldn’t be here forever, that eventually, this new little nightly routine he’d created for himself would come to an end. It still gave him pause. “That’s good right?”

“It means she’s not sick enough to be here,” Sam confirmed. “So that’s good.”

Tim sensed there was a but. “What’s not good?” 

She sighed deeply. “It’s not my place to tell you this, and I probably shouldn’t. I also probably shouldn’t have let you up here every night, but you know, here we are. I have four sons to put through college in the coming years, so if push comes to shove you’re going to say that you found out what I’m about to tell you in some entirely different way.”

“Okay.” He was trying to wrap his head around what could be coming next and that she had four kids of her own. 

She shoved her hands in the pockets of her scrubs, “as of now there’s no place for her to go.” She pulled a rolling stool closer to Tim’s chair. “She’s considered a tougher placement because of her ongoing medical needs. There’s going to be doctor’s visits, medication. She’s not an easy baby. She’s fussy, irritable, startles easily, her digestive system is not great.”

“I don’t find her that difficult.” Tim interrupted, he’d seen the things that Sam had listed, but he understood what her body was trying to fight. And it’s not like she couldn’t be soothed. 

Sam just smiled at him, “her ideal home is quiet, chill, not a lot of people in and out. She needs a place to rest and be loved, with someone who can monitor her, track her progress, and understand her needs. The foster homes equipped to take in a baby who requires her level of care are full.”

“So if she’s not sick enough to stay here and there’s no place for her to go, where does she go?” He had a feeling he wasn’t going to like the answer. 

“Group home, probably. Until a qualified foster home opens up.”

“No.” He was surprised by how quickly and fiercely the word was ripped from him. “That’s the exact opposite of what you just said she needs.”

She sighed again, “I know. It’s not my call. I just thought you’d want to know.” She stood up from the stool, “for what it’s worth, her caseworker seems good. I’m sure she’s trying to shuffle things around, find her a better placement, but there are over 20,000 kids of all ages and needs in foster care just in LA County.”

He looked down at the baby sleeping in his arms, watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest. Heard the tiny grunts she made in her sleep. There was no way he could let her go to a group home. “I can take her.”

Sam sat back down on the stool, watching him carefully as he looked at the baby, “that’s not why I told you this. Any baby is a huge responsibility. Are you even a foster parent?” 

“No, but I’m sure there’s an emergency process. It would just be until they found her a better place. A week or two. I live alone with my dog. I don’t have people over. I don’t even like people. I understand what she needs.” It would be different with a baby, but he’d seen Isabel go through withdrawal before, and tried to help her. He hadn’t been what his ex-wife had needed, but maybe this time could be different.

“I don’t know you well enough to know what you’re ready for or not ready for or to tell you what you should do. I would just caution you to really think this through. Even just a week or two, it’s a huge commitment.” She stood up again. “If you’re going to try, it might be helpful if you know someone in social services who can walk you through the process, and expedite things. You also might want to talk to your girlfriend.” She walked away before he could correct his relationship status.

~~~

“Are we ordering and bingeing something or are you going to Sterling’s?” Lucy asked Jackson as she flopped onto the couch. Their shift had been exhausting and she’d be content to not move from the couch for the rest of the night. 

“Taking a shower and going to Ster’s for the night.” He answered her. He stopped in the kitchen on his way to the bathroom looking for a quick snack.

She heard the ringtone from her phone and cursed under her breath when she realized she’d left it in her bag by the door. Sighing, she pushed herself up from the couch. “It’s Rachel.” She held the screen out for Jackson to see.

“Tim’s Rachel?” He was focusing on getting perfect peels from string cheese.

“She was my Rachel first, and they broke up.” She turned the phone back around and pushed the answer button. “Hey, Rach.” She listened intently to what her friend was telling her. “If you can help him, I think you should.” She said when her friend finally stopped talking. She could tell by the silence on the other end it wasn’t the answer Rachel had been expecting. “He knows what he’s doing.”

“What?” Jackson asked as soon as she hung up. He hadn’t moved from the kitchen, despite having promised Sterling the stop he was making at the apartment was just a quick one.

Lucy looked down at her phone, “I gotta go.” She slipped back into her jacket and pocketed her phone. 

“If you wait, I’ll drive you wherever.”

She shook her head. “I’m good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Forty-five minutes later she was knocking on Tim’s door and waiting anxiously for him to answer. “Lucy?” He’d be lying if he’d said he hadn’t been half expecting her. He’d suspected that Rachel would call her.

“Can I come in?” He opened the door further and stepped back. She toed her shoes off and immediately sat down on the tile as Cujo came bounding over to greet her. “I missed you too.” She told him laughing as he climbed all over her, trying to get as close as possible. “Oof, Buddy.” She was now laying on her back on the floor in Tim’s entryway, the dog completely on top of her, his head resting on her chest.

“You are the reason he has no manners.” Begrudging affection laced his voice, as he watched the ridiculous display. “Cujo, let her up.”

But Lucy just wrapped her arms tightly around the dog, “we’re having a moment.” She scratched Cujo behind his ears. “It’s been too long. It’s been like two weeks since we went hiking last. When are you going to take us hiking again, Tim?” It had become the highlight of her weekend. She missed it, missed them when they skipped one.

“Cujo, off.” He told the dog firmly. The dog hesitated a moment and then lumbered off Lucy. He didn’t go far, just sat down next to her, hoping to be invited back for more snuggles. “Shameless,” Tim told his dog. 

He reached his hand down to Lucy and pulled her up off the floor. The momentum pitched her forward towards him, and she put her free hand on his shoulder to brace herself. “Hi,” she whispered. Neither of them made a move to step back. She could feel his gaze roaming over every inch of her face. Before she could talk herself out of it, she stretched up on her tiptoes and covered his mouth with hers. 

She felt him hesitate for a brief moment, but then he was pulling her impossibly closer and his mouth was moving over hers. “Hi,” he whispered back to her when they finally pulled away.

She smiled up at him. “It’s not why I came here, but I’ve been wanting to do that for a very, very long time.” She admitted. The real thing had blown every fantasy she’d ever had out of the water.

“How long?” He was still holding her close.

“I mean, I thought you were stupid hot from the very beginning.” She had felt something zip along her nerve endings the first moment she’d turned around at roll call to find him cooly watching her. “Turned out you were also an obnoxious pain in the ass.”

“So not from the very beginning then.” He said with a laugh.

“When you turned down your promotion for me.” That had been the first moment she’d had to actively remind herself why it would be a bad idea to just reach for him and kiss him senseless. 

“Wasn’t ready to let anyone else watch your back.” In the end, delaying moving up had been an easy choice. Lucy needed him to have her back and continue her training, and he needed to know that she was okay and safe. He needed to be the one looking out for her. “When we thought the world might end.”

“What?” He was still holding her up against his body, making it hard to think.

“When we thought the world might end, I thought it would be a shame not to know what it would be like to kiss you, but…” It hadn’t been the right moment. He’d settled for a toast and a drink. He leaned down to kiss her again. Now that he knew how good it felt, he was pretty sure he’d never be able to get enough.

“I really hate to kill this moment,” she started when their kiss broke, “but I did come over here to talk to you. Rachel called.” She felt the loss as soon as he stepped back from her. He didn’t drop her hand though, just led her over to the couch. “I told her you knew what you were doing, but do you?”

“If you weren’t sure, why did you tell her otherwise?” 

“Because I am on your side. Always.” She squeezed his hand. “But, Tim, are you sure taking this baby in is a good idea?”

“It’s just temporary until a better spot opens up for her.”

“Do you really think that’s going to make it easier? Because whatever we’re calling it or not calling it, you’re already attached to her. Knowing that something is temporary and the reality of it actually being temporary is not the same thing.” She didn’t see how he escaped this unscathed. 

“It’s best for her.” He told her. “She needs a quiet, safe place. And someone who knows what withdrawal looks like.” He’d deal with the aftermath when the time came. 

“Such a marshmallow heart.” She whispered, tenderly placing a hand over the soft heart in question. “It’s one of my favorite things about you.” She told him when he glared at her. “What are you going to name her?”

“I’m not.” 

“Tim, you’re going to bring her home, even if it’s just a couple of days. She needs a name. You can’t just keep calling her the baby.” It shouldn’t surprise her that he had somehow managed to not think about this.

“She’s not my baby.” She was a temporary houseguest who needed 24/7 care.

“A name gives you an identity and dignity, and she deserves that. You might be the first person who’s truly cared for her, she should take that with her wherever she goes. And if you think that not naming her will make it easier to let her go when the time comes that’s not how this works.”

“What are you doing?” She had dug her phone out of her pocket and was focusing on the screen intently. 

“Looking up baby names.” There were so many sites and lists. She looked over at Tim, “nothing hip or trendy,” she said to herself under her breath. 

“Lucy.”

“I’ll name her.” She clicked on the first link and read through, “Harriet means home ruler according to this site. That feels accurate, considering.” He just glared at her, “okay, not Harriet. I liked Harriet the Spy as a kid. Ooh, what about Nancy or Ramona, I loved those books as a kid too.”

“Audrey.” He cleared his throat, “Audrey was my grandmother’s name and she, well she really loved me.” Some of his best childhood memories involved the times he’d spent the night at her house. 

“Audrey is really pretty.” She closed the tab on her phone and tucked it back in her pocket. She looked over and smiled at him, “this could be your last night of freedom for a while, want to make out on the couch?”

He felt laughter tumble out of him at the unexpected shift in the moment. He didn’t say anything, just reached for her and pulled her to him.

~~~

“Chen!” A very pissed-off Angela was waiting for her after roll call two days later.

Lucy turned to Jackson, “I’ll meet you at the shop in a minute.”

“Did you ask him to take in the baby for you?” Lopez demanded an answer the moment they were alone.

“No, no, no.” Lucy looked around to make sure that no one was paying attention to them. “It was his decision. I didn’t know until he’d already decided.”

Some of the anger drained out of Angela, “is he doing it because he somehow got it in his head that it would make you happy?” Whatever they were or weren’t admitting to themselves, Angela knew that Tim would do just about anything for Lucy.

“No. It has nothing to do with me,” she promised, “he feels like he has to do this. That she needs him.”

Angela just shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Every woman that he has ever cared about has left him. His grandmother, his mother, Isabel, Rachel. He almost lost you, and now this baby.” If only he really was the hardass everyone thought he was. “This is going to be ugly, Lucy. I hope you’re ready for that.” Angela told her and walked away before Lucy could formulate a response.

“What was that about?” Jackson asked Lucy when she slid into the shop a few minutes later. He’d rarely seen Angela that mad.

“Tim.” She answered, buckling her seatbelt.

“Care to elaborate?” He pressed. “Is this about the baby?”

“Audrey.” She corrected immediately, without thinking. 

“You named the baby, Audrey?” Jackson shot her a quick incredulous glance. “He named the baby, Audrey?” He amended, after seeing the look that crossed her face. “Is this why he’s mysteriously taking time off? Lucy Chen, start talking. How dare you hold out on me like this!”

“After shift,” she hedged. She wasn’t sure how much Tim wanted people to know. 

~~~  
Tim stood in his living room, baby Audrey in his arms, as he looked around the house wondering how someone so tiny needed so much stuff. It was taking over his living room, kitchen, bedroom, guest room. Basically his whole house. Cujo sat at his feet looking up at him with what Tim thought could be confusion. It was almost as if the dog was asking, “what did you get us into?”

Audrey was looking up at him with wide blue eyes, maybe wondering the same thing.

They’d been home alone for seventy-three minutes, not that Tim was keeping track. He’d underestimated how much pressure he would feel being home alone with the baby, no nurse to call over for help. He’d come home with detailed notes about Audrey and her schedule, and about babies in general thanks to the NICU nurses at Shaw Memorial. Sam had sent her husband over with essential baby items like a bassinet and swing that her sons had outgrown. 

“Alright, here’s the plan. I’m going to feed you, then the dog, then myself. Then I’ll change you and we’ll walk Cujo.” 

It had seemed like such a solid plan when he’d first spoken it out loud to himself. Feeding her had gone alright, and he’d been able to throw down some food for Cujo before the screaming started. He’d fed her, burped her, her diaper was clean for the moment. “I have no idea what you want.” 

He held her closer to his chest, and paced the living room with her, hoping the movement would calm her. He tried to remember the tune of the lullaby he’d heard Lucy hum to her.

“Oh, oh shit,” he lifted her away from his chest so he could look at the back of the onesie she was wearing and then down at his shirt. “Literally, shit. How did it get out of your diaper?” And onto him. He rushed into the bathroom

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he’d carefully peeled her soiled onesie and his shirt off, leaving them to soak in the laundry room, given her a bath in the bathroom sink, constantly adjusting the water temperature to be sure it wasn’t too hot or too cold at any given moment. 

He’d gotten her redressed and settled in her baby bouncer chair while he re-read the notes he’d been given. Diarrhea or vomiting after every feeding was the eighth bullet point on the page. He just sighed and reached for his phone, adding extra baby detergent and diapers to his Amazon cart. 

It was midnight, and he’d just climbed into bed after changing what had to be his fifth diaper in the seven hours she’d been home when he realized he’d never taken the dog for a walk. A quick peek into the bassinet he’d placed next to his bed revealed a baby on the verge of falling asleep. With a sigh, he threw back his blankets and exited his bedroom as quickly and quietly as he could in search of Cujo. He found him sleeping against the back door, “sorry, Bud.” He opened the back door and watched as Cujo walked the perimeter of the yard a few times before settling on a spot to do this business. 

“Come on. I suppose you’ve earned bed privileges.” Cujo trotted after him and jumped up onto the bed the second he was invited. Cujo curled up and was asleep against Tim’s hip within minutes. Tim waited for sleep to overtake him too, but he couldn’t relax. Every few minutes he was peering anxiously into the bassinet to make sure the baby was both still sleeping and breathing. He reached out to lay a hand gently on her chest, feeling it rise and, letting it lull him into a light sleep.

~~~

“I have to say, Luce, as much as I’m enjoying roomie Friday night, I’m surprised you’re not over at Tim’s.” It was the fourth night and third full day that Audrey had been living with Tim. Lucy hadn’t been over there once as far as he knew.

She took a bite of the Pad Thai she’d ordered from their favorite dive Thai place in the neighborhood. “He hasn’t asked me to come over.”

“Do you think he even remembers his own name anymore?” Jackson wasn’t super familiar with babies, but he was pretty sure Tim was in way over his head.

“I don’t want to crowd them.” She took another bite of her dinner.

He put down his bowl of food, and turned to fully face Lucy, “are you sure you’re not worried that seeing Tim all domestic at home with a dog and a baby will complicate your already complicated feelings for him?”

“Who said my feelings for Tim were complicated?” She reached for the remote to turn on the television. 

He grabbed the remote from her hands and turned the television off, “I wasn’t aware that we’d moved on from the denial of feelings phase. You’re still holding out on me? Just what are your feelings for Tim?”

Lucy sighed deeply. She should have known better than to try to keep things from Jackson. She looked down at the ring she’d always liked, but now rarely took off. “I try to picture my life without him. I mean, I see him at least once or twice most days, and I still miss him.”

“I don’t know how I feel about you preferring to spend twelve hours a day in a shop with Tim Bradford over me.”

“You are more fun to ride with. Thank God, you believe in FM radio and air conditioning.” She smiled at him. 

“Gee, thanks,” he grumbled good-naturedly. 

“I don’t want people to think that we started something while I was his rookie or that a relationship with him is some form of misplaced gratitude for him saving my life or that I suddenly find him hot now that he has a baby.” However temporarily he might have the baby.

“No one with eyes will think you just suddenly found him hot. Hot is one thing that man has always had going for him.”

“I am grateful to him for saving my life, and I do find him incredibly hot with a baby,” she admitted. “But this has been building since the very beginning.” He had been committed to a wife who had repeatedly walked away from him, and still, this had been building from the beginning. “I like the person that I am with him. It makes me happy to make him smile or laugh or push his buttons. I like knowing that I understand him in a way that most people don’t. And I like how he takes care of me, while still making me believe that I can save myself.”

“You need to get off this couch and go tell that man you’re in love with him. But text first so he knows you’re coming and you don’t wake up the baby,” Jackson advised her.

She pushed the remaining Pad Thai noodles around in the bowl, contemplating, “I think he has enough on his plate without me showing up to pour my heart out.”

“Whatever, “Jackson grumbled, picking his bowl of noodles back up. 

~~~

Lucy had gone through a quick version of her nighttime routine and was climbing into bed when her phone chimed with an incoming text. She swiped it open and saw Tim had sent her a photo. Cujo was laying in the middle of Tim’s bed, Audrey propped up against his furry side. She didn’t respond for a minute, unable to stop looking at the photo, which she saved to her camera roll. She pulled up the photo she’d taken the first night in the NICU and stared at it. It never failed to make her heart skip.

Her phone chimed again with a message from Tim, “Is everything okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” She quickly wrote back.

Three dots appeared then disappeared. Appeared again and then was gone. Finally, a text bubble appeared, “you haven’t come over.”

If it was possible, her heart stuttered, “I thought you’d want time alone, to settle in,” she wrote back. 

Before she could change her mind, she climbed out of her bed, threw a change of clothes, deodorant, and a toothbrush into her bag, and stuffed her feet in a pair of sneakers. “Jackson,” she called out loudly enough to be heard through his closed bedroom door, “I’m going out!”

~~~

She kicked off her shoes and dropped her bag next to the door, “how are you? How is it having Audrey here? Is it hard? Are you sleeping?” She peppered him with questions. The living room was dark, but she could still make out all the added baby paraphernalia that was taking over his space. 

He let out a long sigh, “hard. Exhausting.” He was constantly worried that he was doing something wrong or could be doing something better. “I’m glad you’re here,” he admitted. He hadn’t exactly meant for her to see his texts and come over at 10:30 at night. He wasn’t even sure why he’d sent her the picture in the first place, but four days of silence from Lucy had thrown him.

“I meant it when I said I thought you wanted space to settle in.” And maybe she’d needed space to figure out how she felt about the way things were changing.

Cujo, having finally figured out they had a guest, came slowly from Tim’s bedroom into the living room. He sat down by Lucy waiting for attention. She knelt to scratch him behind the ears. “I thought maybe you had regrets about what happened the last time you came over,” his voice seemed extra loud in the silence of the house. 

She gave the dog one final pet, and stood up to meet Tim’s gaze, “the kissing was my idea. Do you have regrets?” 

His eyes never left hers, “none.”

The fact that they were still standing in his doorway might have been amusing to her if the intensity of the moment wasn’t vibrating all around her. “If we’re going to be honest, I should tell you that moment outside of Nevin’s wasn’t just the first moment I let myself think about kissing you. It was the first moment I let myself acknowledge I was starting to fall in love with you.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “You don’t have to say anything, I know the timing is not great. You have a lot on your plate and…”

“Lucy.” He took a step towards her to close the space between them and was reaching for her when the baby began crying in his bedroom. He cursed the baby’s timing, “she’s hungry.” He started towards the kitchen to get her a bottle, and Cujo headed back to Tim’s room and the baby.

Lucy followed the dog, and quickly scooped up the crying baby, “I’ve missed you,” she whispered to the baby. She rocked her gently, “Give him a minute, he’s coming.”

Tim leaned against the doorframe for a moment, bottle in hand, watching them. He would have been content to keep watching them, but he knew it was only a matter of seconds before Audrey’s cries amped up again. “Here,” he held the bottle and a burp rag out to Lucy. He disappeared into the bathroom and came back carrying a towel, which he also handed to Lucy, “once she’s done eating you have eleven minutes before she either projectile vomits or has explosive diarrhea. You’ll want her wrapped up in this, especially if it’s diarrhea.” The nurses hadn’t been exaggerating when they’d said her digestive system was a mess. 

“Thanks,” she took the offered towel, but kept her gaze on the baby in her arms, “taught him that lesson the hard way, didn’t you?” She asked the baby, chuckling. 

“Yup.” He sat down on his bed, resting his back against the headboard. The scene in front of him would have been unimaginable anywhere outside of his wildest dreams just a month ago. Lucy was sitting in the middle of his bed, baby nestled in her arms, dog at her side. He could get used to having this. “If we’re really honest,” he replayed her words from earlier, “I’ve been falling in love with you for a while too,” he admitted quietly. Her eyes flew up to meet his, “maybe when I passed up my promotion, maybe before. Somewhere along the line you’ve become the person I need and count on the most.” He hadn’t been planning on admitting that to her, but knowing she felt the same way had loosened some of the pressure in his chest.

She looked from him, down to the baby, and met his gaze again, “same, Tim, same.”

He pushed down the emotions swirling inside him, needing a bit of a breather, from their intensity, “gotta say, this is not how I pictured having you in my bed for the first time.” 

The mood was officially lightened, “no baby and a lot fewer clothes,” she raised an eyebrow suggestively. 

“Exactly.”

She handed him the empty bottle and wrapped Audrey in the towel to wait for the inevitable. “How do I know what she’s going to do”

He just shrugged, “you don’t.” He quickly took the empty bottle to the kitchen to rinse it out. “I’m glad you’re here.” He told her agaj when he returned.

“Me too.”

~~~

Tim woke up the next morning and realized two things rather quickly. One, he’d slept more last night than he had since bringing Audrey home, and two, Lucy Chen was sleeping pressed up against his side, using his shoulder as a pillow, an arm tossed over his stomach. A glance at the bassinet showed Audrey sleeping peacefully.

“I got her in the middle of the night so she wouldn’t wake you.” Lucy’s muffled voice came from his side. It was like she somehow sensed his confusion. She held him tighter and burrowed closer, “I’m only letting you out of this bed if you promise to return with coffee.”

He wondered if waking up with her should have felt awkward, especially since he barely remembered falling asleep, but it just felt incredibly right. He brought his arms up around her, “I have a better idea. Let’s go get coffee from the place on the corner and go for a morning hike.”

“Throw in donuts and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

Getting out of the house with a baby and a dog proved to be harder than Tim ever could have imagined. There was so much stuff to pack in a backpack, so much to consider and think about it. He would have called the whole plan off if Lucy hadn’t seemed so excited about it. They were finally on the trail, Cujo happily sniffing every inch of the ground. Audrey, secure in a BabyBjorn against his chest, was sleeping through her first hike. Lucy walked quietly next to him.

She slipped her hand into his as they walked along, “this is so nice,” she sighed happily. 

“It’s the same hike we make almost every weekend.” The trail was close to his house, and Cujo liked it. Once he’d let it slip to Lucy that he took the dog hiking, she’d insisted on joining them saying it was her only time with the dog and that she’d count it as her cardio.

“It’s better.” She squeezed his hand.

“You’re right,” he agreed, and almost immediately regretted his word choice.

She grinned, “I’ll never get tired of hearing those words come from you,” she teased him. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, “let’s take a selfie.”

He rolled his eyes, “no.”

“We have to document her first hike.”

“She’s sleeping.”

“So.” she stopped walking. He let out a long suffering groan and stopped too, asking Cujo to sit. “Okay,” she stepped closer to him and put her arm around his back, leaning into him. She tried to line up the shot, but quickly grew frustrated, and gave him the phone. She took Cujo’s leash from him, slipping it over her wrist, “your arms are longer, you do it, but take a few in case the first one is bad.”

“Anything else?” He glared at her, but there was no heat behind it. He waited for her to lean into him again and took a bunch of pictures before handing her back the phone.

“Was that so hard?” She scrolled through the pictures quickly before pocketing the phone. She’d figure out her favorite later when he wasn’t impatiently waiting for her to start walking again. 

He just sighed.

~~~

They fell into an easy, comfortable routine over the next handful of days. Tim mostly spent his days alone with Audrey and Cujo. Each day he felt a little more confident in leaving the house with them, either to go for a hike or just to walk to the coffee shop near his house. It surprised him how quickly he’d come to anticipate her needs and distinguish her different cries. 

Lucy came over after her shift. Sometimes she spent the night, curling against his side in her sleep. Other nights she’d visit for awhile and then go home to her apartment to binge reality TV and eat junk food with Jackson. In a contest between him, the baby, and the dog he wasn’t sure who looked forward to her arrival more or missed her most when she was gone.

They felt like a family, and it terrified him. It happened too quickly and was too intense. He’d broken his own cardinal rule and ignored his own advice - he’d gotten attached, and it was going to destroy him. It was the only thing he knew for sure anymore. 

When there was a knock on the door long before Lucy was due to arrive from her shift, he knew it was all over. Knew what was coming and who was on the other side of the door before he even pulled it open and saw the grim face of Audrey’s social worker. “We’ve found her a long-term placement.” 

He gripped the door tighter and made no move to invite her in. “So soon?”

“It’s been almost two weeks.”

Only a week or two, wasn’t that what he’d told everyone he was committing to, “there’s no rush. She’s happy here.” He was happy. Everyone was happy.

She smiled kindly at him, “I appreciate the care you’ve given her. You’ve done a great thing for her. This is a good placement. A nice family, experienced with babies. They’ll take good care of her.”

“You want to take her now?” He choked the question out even though he already knew the answer.

She shook her head yes, “we don’t want to lose the placement.”

“Right.” He nodded. He stood silent in the doorway another minute. He needed time, at least a few minutes to process how quickly everything was changing. He wasn’t ready. “Right,” he said again, “I’ll be back,” he somehow fought the urge to slam the door in her face, but he still didn’t invite her in, just turned and escaped to his bedroom where Audrey slept blissfully unaware. Cujo was sleeping on the floor next to her bassinet. 

He picked her up gently and gathered her against his chest. She nuzzled her cheek deeper against his neck and he almost broke. From the first night in the hospital, it had been her favorite way to be held. He kissed the top of her head and reached back into the bassinet for her lovey. Lucy had brought it over the day after their hike, saying the dog lovey looked like Cujo. 

He forced himself back into the living room, “I’ve been calling her Audrey. She deserved a name.” He carefully put her in the social worker’s arms. Sensing the change, Audrey began crying. “She likes this too,” he handed the woman the lovey. “And, hold on,” he went to the coffee table and picked up the paper the nurses at Shaw had given him with her routine and likes. He’d added to it with what he’d learned about her while she’d been with him. “Here,” he handed her the paper too, “this should be helpful.”

“Thank you,” she nodded, “legally she’s still Unidentified Baby Girl Doe, but I’ll let them know what you were calling her. Thank you again for all you’ve done with her. I’ll let you know how she’s doing.”

He stood in his doorway long after they’d pulled out of his driveway.

~~~

Lucy stood in front of her locker studying her reflection in the small mirror that she’d hung in it. There was no mistaking the bruise that was darkening her left cheek. She quickly looked around the locker room to make sure she was alone before pulling up her shirt to look at her ribs. Bruises blooming there too. She took a shaky breath and lowered her shirt. Their second to last call of the day had been a doozy, a man high on PCP who thought he was invincible. She and Jackson would both be sporting bruises. 

She grabbed her jacket and bag and headed out to the lobby to wait for Jackson. She pulled out her phone, but there was still no response to the message she’d sent Tim. “Can you drop me off at Tim’s on your way to Sterling’s?” She asked when she spotted Jackson approaching her.

“I thought you were going home to soak in a bath with a glass of wine before falling into bed?” She’d been very clear about her plan as they’d returned to the station to finish paperwork and change.

She shrugged and then flinched at the pain the movement caused, “changed my mind.”

The house was dark, she noticed as she walked up the path to the front door. She belatedly wondered if she should have had Jackson wait until she was sure he was home, but where else would he be at 8:00 PM?

He answered after her second knock. She stepped into the house blinking at the darkness. “Why are you...what…” She trailed off, as her eyes adjusted to the darkness she was able to see the shattered look on his face. “Oh, no.” She wrapped her arms tightly around him and rested her cheek against his chest. “I’m sorry, Tim.”

He played with the ends of her hair, “it was only ever going to be a week or two.”

“It still sucks.”

“Yeah.” He stepped out of her embrace and dropped onto his couch, “you should go home, Lucy, I’m drunk and miserable company.”

She just lowered herself gingerly onto the couch next to him, reaching for his hand in the dark. “You don’t have to entertain me. You will have to point me in the direction of ibuprofen and the bathtub at some point though or I may not be able to get off this couch.”

He shifted to face her, “are you hurt?”

She rested her head on his shoulder, “I had a bad encounter with a hulk of a man on PCP. I’m bruised, but fine, honestly.”

He stood, carefully pulling her up with him, and led her through the bedroom into the bathroom. He flipped on the light so he could see for himself that she was okay. He ran his fingers over her bruised cheek lightly, “where else?”

She lifted her shirt so he could see her ribs, “just bruises,” she promised him as he skimmed his fingers over her ribs. 

He opened the medicine cabinet and put a bottle of ibuprofen on the counter for her. “I’ll bring you a towel and a t-shirt.”

She quietly re-entered the bedroom after taking the pain reliever and soaking her aching body. She found him lying on his back in the bed staring up at the ceiling. She carefully crawled over him and maneuvered under the covers. She pressed a kiss to his jaw and rested her head against his shoulder. “I really believe in the end this is going to be okay, and I don’t think we’re at the end.” 

He knew that she believed what she was saying, and there was some part of him that was grateful, but he couldn’t make himself believe it at the moment. “She’s gone, Lucy. It’s the end.”

~~~

Two weeks later Lucy found herself sitting in Sergeant Grey’s office before roll call. He’d sent her a text asking her to come in early and given no other details.

“I don’t want to know what your personal relationship with Bradford is, I have suspicions, but you keep it out of his house, and for now that’s all I need to know.” He also suspected that whatever their personal relationship was it was the only thing keeping Tim from totally falling into the same abyss he had when Isabel had left.

“Sir?” She asked him confused.

“It’s no secret he’s not taking losing the baby well. He never should have gotten attached to her.” He still couldn’t believe that Tim of all people had been the one to fall for the baby. To take her in and grow attached. He had come back to work the day after she left, insisting he was fine, and that he needed to be working. 

“Sir,” she tried again.

Grey sighed tiredly, “no one wants to ride with him right now. He’s angry, short-tempered. I can’t send him out alone, because he is itching for a fight. I need to know if you’ll ride with him while he works through this.” Every person who had ridden a shift with Tim since he’d lost Audrey had come into his office insisting never again. 

“Of course,” she answered, without hesitation.

He nodded, “keep him out of trouble, Chen.”

“Grey wants you to babysit me.” He’d waited until they were an hour into their shift to make the statement.

“He asked me to ride with you,” she corrected. “I said yes because I like riding with you.”

“You like riding with Jackson.” They were best friends and roommates, he knew she enjoyed being in the shop with him.

“I like riding with you more,” she assured him, “but don’t tell Jackson, I think it’s a touchy subject.”

“I don’t need a babysitter, Boot.” He was fine. Everything was fine.

She rolled her eyes at the old nickname, “this is where you tell me that you like riding with me too.”

He shot her a glance, “you know I do.”

~~~

“I told you this was going to be ugly.” Angela cornered Lucy in the locker room after Lucy’s third shift back with Tim.

“He’s grieving the way he needs to, Angela. I’ve got his back.” Grey had been right. He was angry, short-tempered, and looking for a fight. She would stick it out though. 

“You never should have let him take in that baby.” She hated seeing Tim like this. To her eyes, it was equally as bad as after Isabel had left, but not quite as awful as when Lucy had been taken. 

“Tim made his own choice. It didn’t have anything to do with me. Why didn’t you talk him out of it?”

Angela just scoffed, “he wasn’t going to listen to me. He never even told me he was going to see her in the hospital. Just one day he’s taking furlough to foster her.”

Lucy heard the hurt in the other woman’s voice and softened her response, “I think he knew how you felt about the whole thing, and he didn’t want to be talked out of it.”

Angela sat down on the bench near the lockers and let out a breath, “he is my best friend.”

“I know,” Lucy sat down next to her.

“I wanted to go over and see her. See them together, but I couldn’t make myself do it. I couldn’t watch him become a father knowing it wasn’t going to last. He might have convinced himself that he could foster her, have it be a temporary thing, and have that be enough. He may have even convinced you that he could handle it, but Lucy, Tim isn’t a temporary guy.”

“I know,” Lucy said again. She had a feeling Angela wasn’t just talking about the baby.

They walked out of the locker room together, but Lucy stopped short when she saw Tim across the lobby in deep conversation. “That’s the social worker,” she whispered to Angela.

“Looks intense,” Angela watched carefully trying to figure out what was going on. They waited for the social worker to leave before going over to Tim, “what did she want?” Angela asked.

“Audrey’s placement isn’t working out.” His voice was terse. 

“Why not? What does that mean?” Angela wanted to know.

“Is she coming h....” Lucy started to say home, but caught herself, “back. Is she coming back?”

“Susan all but accused me of downplaying the severity of her issues.” Which was completely untrue. It wasn’t his fault this supposedly experienced couple wasn’t actually equipped to care for a baby with Audrey’s needs. “She cries too much apparently, and can’t be soothed.”

Lucy frowned. “She can be soothed. Did they try the kangaroo cuddle?” She mimicked holding a baby against her chest, “or taking her hiking or... 

“Is she coming back?” Angela interrupted Lucy.

“Apparently a divorced patrol officer who’s been seriously injured on the job five times is a good enough stopgap, but not a good long-term bet.” He’d offered, he’d had the offer on the table before she’d even finished saying it wasn’t working out. There’d been a brief moment of relief when he’d thought maybe things were finally going to work out in his favor. “She’ll stay where she is until they find something better.”

“Well, that’s just bullshit,” Angela said her voice full of righteous indignation on his behalf. 

“It is what it is.” He turned to Lucy, “you ready?”

“I need to finish something with Angela. I’ll meet you at the truck. Don’t leave without me.” She waited until he was gone before turning to Angela, “I need to take a personal day tomorrow. Can you keep an eye on him? Find something for him to do that doesn’t involve tormenting whoever Grey could find to ride with him or getting into a fistfight with some perp? Also, do you think you could write a letter or an email tonight about how great of a foster dad Tim was?”

“Sure,” she could think of something for him to do, and would happily do anything to help Tim, “but Lucy what are you planning?”

“If it works you’ll know. Thanks, Angela.” She gave the other woman a quick hug and ran out to catch Tim. 

~~~

“Thank you for seeing me on short notice,” Lucy told the social worker as she was escorted into her office. “I appreciate how busy you are and how difficult your job is.”

She indicated for Lucy to sit, and moved around her desk to her chair, “I sense a but coming.”

She shook her head, “no but. I just wanted you to know that I understand you have a difficult job. I did come here today to talk to you about Audrey. Well, I guess in your files she’s Unidentified Baby Girl Doe.”

“What about her?” She’d been working all morning to find the baby an alternative placement.

“She belongs with Tim,” Lucy told her without hesitation. 

The social worker sighed deeply. “Officer Chen.”

“Lucy,” she corrected, “I know on paper he doesn’t look that great. He’s not married, he’s got a dangerous job, been injured a bunch of times. It’s all true, but it doesn’t tell the full story. It doesn’t tell you how he knew from the first second he looked at her what she was going through. It doesn’t tell you how he spent every night in the NICU giving her skin-to-skin contact because the nurse told him it would help her recovery. It doesn’t tell you how he knows her schedule down to the minute or how he knows the exact way to comfort her or that her preferred place is always against his chest with her head on his shoulder, but that in a bassinet she’ll fall asleep if he has his hand on her chest.”

“There’s no doubt he did a great job with her and cared for her very much.”

“When she had no one in the world, she had him. And. he’s not married, but he’s not alone. He’ll have help. He won’t always be perfect, but he’ll always love her and make her feel safe. He’s her dad, and he’s a really good one. It might surprise you, it might surprise everyone, it probably surprises him, but it doesn’t make it less true.” She stood and took an envelope out of her purse and handed it to the social worker, “I’m not the only one who thinks so.”

She took the envelope, “I’ll think about what you’ve said,” she promised.

~~~

“You had Angela babysit me,” he glared at her as they settled onto his couch with their takeout. “I thought I made it clear that I don’t need a babysitter.”

She leaned over to give him a quick kiss, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Mmmhmm.” She was being uncharacteristically tight-lipped about why she’d needed a personal day.

“I’ll be back tomorrow to ride with you.”

A knock on the door interrupted whatever he was going to say to her. Cujo jumped up from his bed and ran to the door. Tim looked at Lucy who just shrugged. Why would she know who was knocking on his door. He looked at his watch as he made it to the door. “Susan.” He was surprised to see her on his doorstep again. He couldn’t take his gaze off Audrey in her arms.

Behind him, Lucy sat up on her knees on the couch, eagerly watching the scene in front of her unfold.

“She still needs a long-term placement if you’re interested.”

“Yes.” His answer was immediate.

She chuckled quietly, “I thought so,” she said, handing him the baby and the puppy dog lovey he’d sent with her when she’d left his house. 

“What made you change your mind?” Not that he was looking a gift horse in the mouth, but she had seemed pretty clear when they’d last spoken that he wasn’t a long-term option. 

“You really need to thank the women in your life. Especially Officer Chen. They wrote letters, and have been calling, emailing, and showing up at my office all day.”

He turned to look at Lucy, before turning back to the woman in front of him, “I will.”

“I heard from Detective Lopez that the LAPD is close to closing the case with a finding that she has no family. She’ll be officially placed for adoption at that time. If that’s something you’re interested in,” Susan told him, “you would have a strong case.”

He closed the door and turned back to Lucy in shock, “how did I go from being a terrible option as a long-term foster to a strong case as an adoptive father overnight?”

Lucy just grinned at him, “I may have helped her to see the error of her ways. With some help from our friends. We just repeatedly told her how great you are.” She climbed off the couch and went to him putting her arms around him and the baby. She smiled down at Audrey, “we missed you around here.” She looked up at Tim, “if LAPD officially says she has no family, you should adopt her. You’ve been miserable without her, and apparently, she has strong feelings about you too.” It wasn’t lost on her that Audrey hadn’t cried since being placed back in Tim’s arms.

“What about you?” 

“What about me? I’m not going anywhere?” 

~~~

One year later Tim was standing in front of a judge, Audrey in his arms, Lucy and the rest of their friends behind him. The judge looked down at the paperwork in front of him. “Let’s officially and legally make this baby, Audrey Samantha Bradford, shall we?”

“Yes, please,” Tim agreed. He was beyond ready to legally be her dad, although in his mind he’d officially become her dad the night she was placed back in his arms.

Eighteen months later, Lucy was standing in front of the same judge with Audrey in her arms. Tim stood beside her, his arm around both of them. “Not often I get to preside over two adoptions for the same child.”

“I’ve been in her life from the beginning, Your Honor,” Lucy explained to the judge, “now that Tim and I are married, I want to legally be her mother.”

The judge looked out over the three of them, “Miss Audrey, who is holding you?” 

Audrey nestled into Lucy shyly, “mommy,” her little voice was quiet but audible.

He looked down at the paperwork in front of him, and quickly affixed his signature, “who am I to argue.” He looked back across the courtroom, “congratulations. Mr. Bradford, you have a beautiful family.”

“Yes, Your Honor, I do.” He smiled down at his girls, “I absolutely do.”

~~~

“I have something for you,” Lucy told him later that night. They’d had a small party at their home after leaving the courthouse. Everyone had long since left, they’d cleaned up, and put an exhausted Audrey to bed. Lucy went to their closet and came out with a large wrapped present for him. 

Tim sat up from where he’d flopped down on their bed, “Pretty sure I have everything I’ve ever wanted,” he took the gift from her and peeled the wrapping paper away. “Lucy.” It was a framed collage of photos, most he recognized, and he noticed there were a couple of empty spots.

She sat next to him on the bed, “This,” she pointed to the first picture, “I took the very first night I found you in the NICU. And this,” she pointed to the second photo, “is from our first hike. Technically our first family photo, even if we didn’t know it at the time.”

He remembered how he’d pretended to be annoyed at having to indulge her request to take the selfie. “When I legally adopted her. Our wedding.” He indicated the next two photos.

“This space is for today’s family photo at the courthouse,” she tapped the first empty space, “and this one will be for our first photo as a family of four. Well five counting Cujo, of course.” 

“Lucy.”

“Ready to have a newborn again in about seven months?” She was smiling at him and her eyes were glimmering with unshed tears.

He carefully put the frame on the floor, leaning it against the nightstand, so he could pull her into his embrace. “Can’t wait.” He pulled back enough to kiss her deeply, “Thank you.”

“For what?” 

He took her hand and placed a kiss in her palm, “for staying.”

“Lucy Chen Bradford finishes what she starts. I haven’t finished building this family, this life, with you.” She’d never be finished with this particular task. 

“No you haven’t,” he agreed with a grin.


End file.
